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0 In Empowerment

Real life leadership | 8 lessons with Flavio Augusto (Wiseup and Orlando Soccer City)

Highlights of a weekend to hear about real-life leadership!

Reading tip:

  • If you like a complete history, read this entire text, even lazily.
  • If you want a general understanding, read only the bolded highlights.
  • If you want a short version, go to my LinkedIn :).

This theme of real-life leadership sounds like a self-help mix with the Pentecostal church. But today we are all led and lead in some sphere of life.

Be it at home, in the church, communities, businesses and social networks. We are all influencers and therefore leaders at some point.

Even more with the advent of coaches and gurus that we live. I bet you've seen yourself in the situation thatMatthew 15:14describes:

"… They are blind guides guiding the blind. If a blind man leads a blind man, they will both fall into the pit. "

That's why when I heard that the Flávio Augusto (@geracaodevalor) I would be at an event, I did not think twice! I went to check the energy of this fellow I've been following on the internet for 8 years!

Flávio was generous in talking about his personal life and career, always in a light way as a chat between friends.

Impossible not to admire the sweet love story for Luciana, his wife, and how they built the "right" way together. But also the weight in the hard words with those who expect "a savior" for all your problems. On the other hand, lavishing insights that proves that leadership is a necessary skill for everyone. And, sparing no lessons, talking about "indigestible" topics citing examples of his life on every topic.

Here I have brought together lessons that, to me, made sense of a real-life leadership!

1. If you are in a position of influence/leadership, you are responsible for the lives of the people around you.

It does not matter if you have a spotlight or job role. You are responsible and have to know its effect on the people and families around you.

Leadership for real life_ Flavio Augusto_Geracao_de_Valor (1)

I find it hard to see men talking about family, career and success. Even more knowing how much the corporate and IT market (where I work) can be rotten.

Most people want to shirk responsibility and its effects. Being responsible for the "human side" is grandiose. There are those who preach that no one is responsible for what the other understands, feels or does to justify their "bad character"

Another point that made me think a lot, was a fact that he shares still thinking about families.

2. In Brazil, a family that is now in the poorest 10% of the population, it takes 9 generations to climb to a middle class.

In my family's case, we are in the 3rd generation. Considering that I am still struggling for our daily bread, but, we have left the poverty line there for my 20 years.

The punch in my stomach came in the form of advice:

3. Do not let yourself be overcome by victimization.

Flávio is strict for anyone to expect meritocracy and not sit in the position of victim, see?

Justice and meritocracy do not exist period,he knows the disadvantage of being born poor and says it with all the letters.

He speaks with all the letters that there will NEVER be meritocracy while a trainee goes to work having studied English all his life, easy access to transport to compete with another who does not even want to be fed.

Without the same foundation, opportunities will never be the same! With that thought, he reinforces what he sums up my desire to study EVEN MORE in recent years.

Telling his parents' story, Flavio reinforces that social mobility comes from the study and that today the access to knowledge is a path without return.

"Social mobility only exists with access to study, whether formal or informal (self-taught)."

Bringing it to my reality, I know meritocracy does not exist in real life. I hear at least once a day that there is no justice and the corporate world is like this … I do not get used to it, but I do not sit down to see what happens.

Open quotation marks, for those who do not know me:

I grew up sharing clothes to go to school when my sister was wearing a blouse, I was cold. Vice-versa. Studying without material and hungry. Go to school for the snack, work/fight for the basics every day. I know what it is 3 hours of public transportation to get to work and be humiliated by it.

Even today, as I climbed a bit in the "food chain", meritocracy does not yet exist …

I still have to grate a lot every day to make up for my lack of foundation, study and marks in the curriculum. I'm not going to tell you how difficult it is to be a woman of "strong personality", not being in the pattern of "femininity" expected. Today it is no longer with the hunger that I fight every day, thank God. But I still struggle to have where to live, how to get around and structure my base of the pyramid[de Maslow] That, I'm sure few in my corporate environment live.

4) Success is a personal measure.

Within what Flavio means success, respect is vital. He says it's no use having the respect of coworkers and not your family, vice versa. There is no good professional and bad person, one hour that crosses, his values and character are exposed.

He tells several stories that prove how much respect for people who live near his essence is more important than charge. Even with so much success and money, he says that family respect is still his greatest metric. He talks about not risking this respect and his moral worth bases are critical to a long career and a full happy life.

5) Choose the company and the people you work with.

Allied to this, the importance of having our word always supported in our character and actions. He exemplifies talking about the "re-purchase" of Wiseup just to re-raise the network after the sale to Grupo Abril.

Ah, still about this negotiation he talks a lot about fulfilling our word to those who hurt (even in us).

6) To have an honest word is the difference of a good leader (of yourself and others).

Leaders who have words, conduct business/people in an honest way. Even in a competitive world full of dirt for money, status, and so on.

7) To lead is to be someone who shares knowledge through generosity and impulse of giving.

A person who does not retain what is good for himself is a born leader.

That is why sharing ideas, knowledge and information is a personal motivator. This blog proves it.

8) When no one gives you anything, give yourself!

I try to police myself so I will not be the person who points the finger without looking at my belly button. I believe that the only and best way becoming myself leader is investing in my improvement and doing for me. So that my blindness does not condemn me I remain an eternal apprentice. I value every opportunity to hear who has the most road and has traveled other ways. These are experiences like this lecture that allow me to see a different and often more motivating bias than my daily life.

Just to illustrate when Flávio Augusto, in flesh and blood, talked about swallowing judgment and disbelief, I was represented and I was moved!

Do for me, create my opportunities even without a pat on the back is what I try to do every day and have no other way, 32 years against the statistics!

I can say that on my way to being leader of my life this lecture was a balm of spirits!

0 In Empowerment

Gilmore Girls: TV show revival

Gilmore Girls: problematizando a série e o revival

Warning: spoilers, a little bit, but spoilers ahead! Warning 2: it’s only my opinion here, ok?

I was excited about “A year in the life” and started to watch all the 7 seasons again, in a glance! And just amend watching the 4 episodes of the Gilmore Girls revival  Everything to enjoy and to not lose any details.

I really enjoyed the show when I was a teenager, I was 12 years old when the series premiered. Poor girl, she turned on the TV and dreamed of being Rory or Lorelai.

It was easy to look at Rory and see in her everything I wanted to be and see in Lorelai the “fuck” I once wanted to become.

 girls a year in the life 2

But, after seeing all the seasons and seeing the boom of people saying that the series was an example to be followed. That Rory and Lorelai are personal goals, “feminists and empowered”?

I do not know if I can agree … But, I will not be unfair.

Gilmore Girls have a lot of good humor in the script, a precise writer and good placed dialogues With irony, humor and legal references for those who enjoy nerds.

It’s a good TV show to watch that puts women on the agenda at a time when this was not common. It is a complete dramatic comedy that addresses themes without weighing the context. It speaks of family, social class, relationships and life in general. It has everything a series needs to be a success.

That’s why it’s a success!

gilmore girls

I watched all seasons + revival and today I can not see Rory and Lorelai as “goals” anymore. In my opinion, the series portrays stereotypes and patterns, but does not question them.

Even though she is much loved in Stars Hollow, Lorelai is seen as promiscuous, unstable and “sleeping every day with one”.

In the second or third season, a neighbor says to another almost this of her and still calls Lorelai of “poor thing”.

The stereotype of Paris, Lane and even Sookie reinforces the “negative” side of them be as they are, of the choices they make and what they become.

Gilmore Girls shows free women but reinforces the image that if you go like this you’ll be the bitch, the loser, the frustrated, the unhappy.

gilmore girls revival-4

My biggest annoyance is EVERYONE thinking Rory and Lorelai are examples to follow!

I’ll start with Lorelai who is selfish and self-centered to the end. You know, she wants to live the life in her way, good? Ok, me too. I reaaly want to be more selfish in next year #goal

But, she goes over people without caring. Even needing the help of these same people in the past or in the future.

Notice how she treats the neighbors who helped her raise Rory. How she treats Luke, how she treats people in general.

Neither Mia, who adopted her and Rory baby, receives calls or visits of consideration – even being the owner of the Independence Inn.

There are several moments in the series that Lorelai disparages people with and with an ironic tone. There are several moments in the series that Lorelai disparages people with and with an ironic tone.

gilmore girls revival-3 She does not care about anyone but her or Rory. When Rory fall down she keeps the girl on a pedestal to the world. But, massacre the girl inside the house with the intrinsic judgment of “that’s not right,” but she did the same thing in the past.

Even with Sookie and Michel, Lorelai does not have the gift of true friendship, nor the exchange of a business society. She is bossy, does not care about her friends problem, the conversation always returns to her problems. Lorelai still uses everyone as her employees to satisfy her wishes …

Note that Lorelai does not fight in the series, has scenes of discussion, but the end is the same. Everyone bows down to her and obey what she wants.Deep down I think it’s because she’s a victimizer. Or because people see her as “the problem” we’ll make her happy …

There is a scene in which Taylor during the assembly expounds this point of view. He tells Lorelai that he understands that the city was kind and welcomed her with the baby. He says everyone treats her with love and is proud of her and Rory. But that will not give in to her whims “like everyone else.”

Not to mention that Lorelai lies all the time, more than omitting her own mind and stealing things all the time. As if the world owed it to her!

In with parents, Emily and Richard, it is tense to speak of forgiveness, understanding, and so on.

But, I think that if Lorelai had the freedom she wanted, with her parents’ money and her behavior, she would be part of the Life and Death Brigade. Rich, spoiled, bad and swaggering.


Now Rory is a walking distorted pattern and reproduces the behavior of the mother all the time.

It grew in a glass flask of perfection, being a standard of reference. Accustomed to always being the best girl in town, applauded and helped.

When that changes, it turns out to be: repressed, spoiled, selfish, and irresponsible.

She proves this when she falls in love with Logan and the benefits he brings. Always involving expensive ballads, drinks and lots of money from his father being spent.

Her scene with the pizza delivery friend at the expensive restaurant. Logan invites her, and she accepts even having combined something else with her friend. Logan pays his account and his “poor” friend counts coins to pay. She does not even touch him until he speaks, proves that she, like her mother, thinks of no one. She even tries to show empathy, but deserves to lose her friend!

 girls rory

At a dinner party at Luke’s sister’s house, she does not give a man a hand because he does not have a finger. She just does not greet him and looks disgusted at her mother …

Perfect girl, but no education, no empathy: bubble!

Rory throws all the help she’s always received in the trash when she decides to quit college. A fact that only happened because someone dared to say that she was not perfect.

Logan’s father who says she has no talent, after she trains for him!

She plays in the trash twice, when after 9 years she has no job, money, no house and has an affair with a committed guy – again Rory?

Rory had everything to be very successful and independent in life, but it’s not. All she got was with the help of other people. When the time comes, she returns to her mother’s house, unable to stabilize her life.

Opportunity, study, preparation and money she had. Faltou maturidade, objetivo e até um pouco de caráter ali viu? Faltou mesmo culhões pra fazer acontecer.
Faltou maturidade, objetivo e até um pouco de caráter ali viu? Faltou mesmo culhões pra fazer acontecer.

She never had to go beyond her obligation to study and get good grades to live on. This is not an effort for me, calling grandparents and asking for money, and having a rich boy paying for everything (pension) is not an effort at all!

All his life, Rory received favors. To study, get interviews, internship/job and still need to have somewhere to eat, sleep, live.

 girls a-year-in-the-life-1

When real life has come, even with Logan’s financial support, support and cheer, it fails.

Failure, but spits on some dishes, see? Because the opportunities have to be perfect for the perfect Rory.

Here’s the director’s prophecy:

gilmore girls revival-2 gilmore girls revival-2

Rory returns lost to the home, without direction and with the same spoiled behavior of the mother, crying and does several stupid in a row.

Rory, in the end, is a great person but, failed.

To close the cycle. Lorelai’s life is “perfect.” There’s Luke who loves and licks her boots, Dragon Fly going really well, but she’s starting to freak out. Because? Because she does not know what he wants out of life, if it is to have children, to buy another , to officialize the marriage.

Already in the grief of Richard we see Emily suffering in her way, but will try to make sense of life. Get an occupation and adopt/accept the maid’s family.

Already Lorelai, can not get over the hurt, can not forgive. Neither to help her mother mentioning a good memory of her Father.

She needs to , play a big child and will only call Emily months later.

The affective relationships of the two have always been problematic. I do not think they knew how to “choose”, do you understand?

 girls -review-2 girls -review-2

Rory’s boyfriends were never in the same timing as her, or Lorelai’s. Relationships went away because they did not know what they wanted , they got sick and it was done. Even Lorelai with Luke, watch the outbreak of the last few episodes.

In some season I remember Lorelai saying that she wanted Rory to be different from her.

So it is a shock when in the last episodes Rory appears identical to Lorelai. An adult woman with a child’s attitude.

Both fit well in the ” generation” that this BR article says – the article generalized the generation of people that have everthing ans do not want to do really efforts to be good in life.

I’m not saying the show is bad, but there’s a lot to question.

Everything about the Gilmore Girls is defectively human. Maybe that’s why we understand this punch in the face that was the revival.

There are some good moral lessons hidden in this dramatic comedy series. If you do not have seen, watch again is there! 😉

0 In Empowerment

An attitude of gratitude: Reasons to thank!

atitude de gratidão

Today is Thanksgiving, a celebration that is part of my life since 2007. On that day I do everything to keep the heart filled with an attitude of gratitude.

I try to show that gratitude to people with cards/emails, phone calls and even smiles. I also write a list of things for which I am grateful, and shouldn't, ever, forget.

I want to share my Thanksgiving list this year here in my journal and anytime I go back to read.

2016 was a year of resilience, to accept what I could not change and working hard for what was in my power.

Was a year of great financial results, in my view, of course. I'm not talking about beeing rich only, but about ay my bills, make advances in my personal economy and some great acquisitions for me.

I could provide support to my Mom in all the situations needed. Also give some gifts to (my nephew) Gu and a huge support to Isa's (my Goddaughter and niece)

The money did not remain, but still not was missed of my pocket and this is a reason of a lot of grattitude.

I always say I have a job and live independently is one of the biggest reasons for gratitude.

With the current economy of Brazil.

With the higher prices only reinforced my buying philosophy of the small entrepreneur and alternative markets.

Especially food, buy everything closer to home, cooler and in smaller quantities.

I developed many skills this year.

I'm cooking more and better. I improved my English. I began to study to open an investment portfolio (in addition to the Conservatives that I have today). Did branding courses, personal style and makeup!

It was a year to start investing in me, my happiness and my development.

One thing I never thought I'd say is that I'm learning to be a little selfish.

I've always liked to help people, give chance to others, invest in others, be loyal and help everybody. But, I'm tired of not receiving the same treatment.

I'm watching my back, giving me gifts and small treats that are all mine!

It was this year that I realized that all the achievements of my life just happened for me. This independence has strengthened me to free myself of the burden of hope that "someday someone will help me."

I started taking care of my health after hearing the diagnosis of stress or Bournout, prolactin dysfunction and a worsening in polycystic ovary syndrome.

I needed my body and my head had a shut down. But, I came to my senses and started looking for the most important person in my life: myself!.

At work I improved my technical skills and management. I took the front of decisions and even bought some fights with my Indian Chief. Not that fight is a good thing. But, in a sexist and not fair culture –  as Indian and corporate world are – establish onself is required.

In consulting the people used to say that "all pro activity will be punished". Even that didn't stop me from being exactly as I am. I was pro active where I wanted to be.

My performance evaluation proved that my results surpass my temper. And I haven't changed my ways to conquer the Indians or the client.

Biggest reason for gratitude of my life: My mother!

How was George being with her this year. I was the longest possible glued her, stuck, caring and being cared for. Lucky I have this daughter Mrs. Melanie! We fight, she orders me to stop swearing, but we love each other.

Gratitude is also view Isa growing full of health, sweet and polite. Every time I look to Isa and my mothers together, I know my attitude of gratitude you need to create a new world for Isa!

In addition to these feelings are overflowing I have days outstanding memories of 2016. These were days of struggle, the glory days.

  • Small pleasures

At the turn of the year I made the first family BBQ at home that was still "new".

I hired Fabio to took care of my kitchen on December, 31 and January, 1. He took care of everything with so much affection that was the first reason of gratitude of the year.

Give this "luxury" to my beloved is priceless!

I remember the look of pride and love my mother looked at me when he came to give me happy new year. Thank God she looks at me every day, not only for financial gains, but for everything. Need film for I never esqeuecer!

  • Goals

In the middle of last year I had to sell my first car, with 5,000 km, to make the work of the House. The feeling of frustration almost overcame the joy to be able to furnish the House.

I had put the goal to buy a new car in 1 year, what would happen in the middle of this year.

But in December I was able to buy another car, zero! No miracle, only with hard work and focus. The car arrived as my Christmas present!

Another goal that I did was to go back to travel 2 years after purchase of the House. It would be only in 2017.

But, in 1 year I could realize the dream to know an Island here in Brazil. A really desired trip that comes to crown a difficult year that changes me a lot!

I have to give thanks, every day, to see and live with the results of my work.

  • Career

It was a tough year, but I expect not last 3 months on this project and I'm already a year ago and merits. I received a very positive review of India and of the managers here from Brazil. Two managers, um from the client and one from my company, came personally to me to compliment me and applaud my deliverables.

Same with personal problems I kept a standard of quality in everything I did.

  • Blog

The blog grew, increased and the number of contacts you receive from companies increased. It was a pleasant surprise! For the first time in my life I refused invitations from advertising on the blog! Yes, I freed myself of the weight of the blog "commercial" and refused 2 publiposts that had nothing to do with me.

I'm grateful to be able to maintain this free space, with my investment and get my values above the money.

  • People

Each person who contacts saying that I helped or touched in any way your heart is a huge force in my life. People who ask me opinion, help and tips make me feel so special and I thank all my life experience.

I appreciate the difficulties that brought me here and made me who I am.

This year I grew up and I suffered internally at the same time. Growing up hurts, but it's necessary and Liberator. This year I hugged my "difficult" temperament. It's part of who I am and it's not a defect, it is a quality! The relationship problems I've had this year (pierced societies, dishonest, self-serving people and me being lame) have changed me for the better.

  • Ripening

This year there was disappointment? Had!

But, in a way lighter without suffering. Exactly why I changed my way of looking at relationships.

The sense of freedom that is to turn your back on things and people that add, just suck and have no prejudice for that, is unique.

It's more that detachment, is freedom, independence and security.

I can say that desapeguei of people in General. I learned that I can only feel free when I give my best to everyone. And if I don't get the better of someone, the "fault" is not mine.

Each one gives you have!

  • Detachment

Was the word of the year, not substantive, but emotional.

I had to start dealing with the fact that my mother is not eternal. Get ready for a day she's not here anymore. I still feel a huge fear just to think about it.

Because of it, my biggest reason of gratitude is see my Mom winning the batles of her life! Just thinking about my mommy I feel the attitude of gratitude overflowing.

Immediately, I want to cry tears of joy for her life. I'm grateful to have my mom with me up here!

"so far the Lord helped us" (1 Samuel 7.12).

This is my thanks to the universe for conspiring in my favor. It's the way that I have to increase my gratitude attitude and remember that even in bad times I have a lot to be thankful for.

When you feel you have nothing to feel gratitude start a list. Write the simple things and the everyday things, they show us how life is good!

Happy Thanksgiving < 3

0 In Empowerment

Self-esteem and beauty standards

Autoestima e Padrões de Beleza

Self-esteem and patterns of beauty surround us all the time. Self-esteem is linked to everything we do, we are and how we behave with each other and with us.

The self-esteem and living standards of beauty in our head. Making her a battlefield, enabling the strongest possible emotions.

Have you looked in the mirror and found not beautiful?

  • Already panicked proving the clothes from your closet, not liking anything and thinking that it is their lack of beauty?
  • You don’t see good in any photos?
  • It is common for you to want to dress up and feel like (seem to) those girls of Instagram, the TV, the magazine?
  • Have you ever wanted to look in the mirror for once and have the feeling of ‘ wow, I’m really hot “and not the” real “I’m not pretty?

If you answered no to these questions, all right, this is not for you.

I answered Yes to all the questions and I don’t think I’m alone in this world.

Once in a while, I’m still trying to blame the clothing, the color, the fabric, but in the end I find myself thinking: “I’m so ordinary, normal, not pretty, my body, these dark circles. Affeee enough with the mirror. “

There is a well defined line on society/blogs/culture/world about appearance and standards. Or do you fit or not.

I don’t fit in. I’ve never fit in, for several reasons.

This created a feeling-terrifying monster that only increased social pressure over the years.

Who do you know that feeling you know the pressure becomes internally and turns into a crushing force our personality.

This will force pushing us and slowly looked at the standard “acceptable” and we want to be inside her, at any cost.

We wake up opens the closet and choose that clothes that look good in the outfit inspiration of Pinterest. “But, don’t work on me because I don’t have that kind of body, you know?”

The simple makeup of every day is made to ensure that the skin glow. Or at least it looked like it was going to be naturally good at tutorial. “Oh, my skin is terrible, I really need a lot of makeup, go.”

If you do picture for internet, little makeup is nonsense. Need to cover everything to have perfect skin and look like a TUMBLR GIRL. “Oh and send more makeup you’re little.”

Puts, but I need those pants that make everyone thin and beautiful and high … “Ah, but my thick thighs do not enter them. But, I’m going to go try and buy a larger size with a strap because my butt’s immense. “

There at lunchtime, come to think of it. I need to fix my diet and try to live without chocolate, sugar, lactose and gluten. Wow how to eat well is expensive, right? It is not, I should be poor even, Oh taking tea and lots of water to alleviate hunger.

A peek at Instagram before bed, with the lights off, no fluffy duvet and decorated room. “But, why I can’t have an image and perfect life? Maybe, I’m not for admiration. Nothing works well with me, nothing is the same as the perfect Lady blog feed X. “

“I think some were destined to watch the parade and other confidence and beauty in the world.”


Thus is born a person dissatisfied with herself.

But, no, not the end.

Every day we can fight against the standards of beauty. And, especially, against these destructive thoughts.

The only thing that is under our control is ourselves and our thoughts. All we can do is try not to compare us, we don’t slow down and don’t let us down.

I also face these thoughts and sometimes they win. But, I was worse.

I’ve felt that 24 hours a day, I’ve allowed myself to be diminished by people thinking they were right about me, my weight, my body, my clothes, my intelligence, my future …

At some point in my life I stopped crying hiding. Lost opportunities for finding good enough or adequate enough. [Tweet “Eu engoli o choro junto com o suor das minhas lutas.”]

I stopped doing my thoughts my enemies and to make things more difficult for me all the time. I took it and I stopped following a galera in Internet and stopped with some magazines, too.

Since then I have put my personality at all and I make no apologies for my chosen paths. I accept the style that holds me every day that I wake up different.

I assumed qu is a choice not to let me down. It is because of a change in weight, a loss in job, an unsuccessful relationship.

  • I have the power to avoid thoughts of defeat when don’t enter in bikini, in dress, in my pants.
  • I take control of my mind to not let me overthrow by “friendly advice”. Those criticisms full of bitterness in disguise.
  • I have the power to not go to dark places of my mind, even though the “circumstances” Please take me there.
  • I have the power to react positively to negative circumstances or simplesmenta keep my inner peace.

It’s not so easy to do as it is talking about. We’re almost conditioned to destroy our self-esteem behind the outer standards.

But, believe me, you can change this key. All it takes is practice, patience, and love with us.

One of the ways I have found to change my self-esteem and beauty standards was to create an exercise:

I remember quickly of situations where my self-esteem and beauty standards threw me down. Where I felt frustrated, dimuida, useless.

Then, I think, for a few minutes in ways to deconstruct it, revert the thoughts in my head and do statements like: “this situation happened, I grew up, I learned from her, now I’ll move on better than I was before.”

Seems forced and it’s almost that reprogram a memory.

I change negative phrases that I said or heard about me, for positive sentences. Bring awareness that I’m the best that I can be today, tomorrow I become even better.

Remember a situation in your life.

Think of all the times that a situation destroyed his self-esteem, made you feel frustrated and screaming at herself in the mirror crying for hours.

Instead of reacting the way you normally do, try saying to yourself that you’re bigger than these issues.

Do this several times every day.

No negativity is worth a second of our lovely 24 hours. Believe me when I say that it’s not worth it I learned that the hard way.

Find your acceptance.

Post your photos on Instagram because you simply can’t resist how well you got on your clothing.

Use makeup to please.

Find your voice in your personality and put her out.

Believe in you if you are seeking 3 < more info to not feel alone in this world, I recommend this Geledes.Org text that talks about standards of beauty, self-esteem and feminism.

I’m doing this for me, every day a little and write it here gave me an immense strength, thanks for reading!

0 In Empowerment

8 attitudes to have more self confidence

My self confidence has always been fragile, but it took many years to understand and, especially for I admit it.

I’ve always been a person who is considered strong and secure, by others. Only by other …

Let me shake-out-easily, but inside I always gave a lot of importance to the opinion of others. My auto criticises is so strong that any criticism has always been as a confirmation of my disability. Neither compliment I never knew receive, always thought it was bad and any compliment would be nice of someone else and undeserving.

Until I get the hard point writing that’s 29 years learning to be me, not easy.

It took me years to figure out my problems with self confidence and begin to change.

I suffered a lot by increasing my internal billing based on the opinion of others and that destroyed what little confidence I had.

In 2008, a very dear friend of mine wrote me this here: [Tweet “”Meu jeito rude e meu olhar tão duro. É grade, é cerca, é teatro, é meu muro! Assim me protejo dos que anseiam minhas lágrimas e filtro os que merecem meu sorriso…” (Pierre Lacerda)”]

That translates to a lot of my personality and my self confidence was, for years, theater, was my wall.

But, the life friends, she kick doors, knocks down walls and we need to learn from it or live in suffering.

That’s how I learned a few things sober have more self confidence: with life and follow developing 8 attitudes to have more self confidence.

Before you start reading the 8 attitude, clicks the link on the side and press play: Brave, Honest, Beautiful (just listen).

  • Focus on improving yourself, rather than comparing yourself with others.

self confidence-compare
I even today I think all the people of the world are better than I. I never thought I was great in anything, I never saw myself as good at anything. In fact, until recently, I defined as: “a normal person, with no special talents.”

But, do you know why all this? Because I looked to others as my reference and I compared. After that I started to focus in getting to know me, understand my weak points and seek to constantly improve this feeling of not being good enough has decreased.

Has references, people who look, but be you your quality standards overcome:)

  • Learn how to accept and thank

self confidence beauty

When you receive a compliment you give an answer something like: “imagine are your eyes”, “this kind” or “Oh no it isn’t”? Or when someone compliments your outfit you say “Oh but it was so cheap, so old”

I did that, I didn’t know and neither accept compliments. For example the day I won a book from Solange, massage therapist of my job, I go there at once in massage ever and one day she gave me a book, just like me. Or when I was offered, for free, a course for the blog, without requesting review or anything in return.

I don’t understand why someone wanted to give me something for free? What do you mean you’re giving me a present and not expect anything in return? That thought was my unconscious to see that I don’t deserve, reinforcing my insecurity.

When I went to thank verbally, I smiled embarrassed by praise/gift, but I began to feel it was right for me. Gradually, I began to change my unconscious, today I try not to reinforce in me this feeling of not deserving. I accept, thank you and whenever I can retribuio.

Gradually, I began to change my unconscious, today I try not to reinforce in me this feeling of not deserving.

I accept, thank you and whenever I retribuio the praise.

They say that the secret of peace of spirit is to accept and thank you all!

  • Don’t apologize.

auto-confianca _ lis-life _ sorry

I’m not talking about being rude, you see. It’s one thing to say “Sorry” for education by insecurity.

You know that feeling of never being right, of having to always apologize for having “a strong opinion”? I had a habit of apologizing for a word wrong in English or for asking something in a meeting.

But, today I work with Indians and they rarely apologize even when comment cultural gaffes. One day a boss told me: “don’t be sorry so much, there’s no need, just apologize when we hurt someone, when you screw up” and it was liberating.

Know that you don’t need to apologize pos their opinions, book your apologies for if you injure someone.

  • Learn to say no.

self confidence-nope

The word needs to be said with all the letters, calmly and clearly. Say Yes when we mean deep down that’s not asking to fall into pitfalls and have problems. I see people who have self-confidence simply say no and not justified, are not around to say no in any situation.

I’ve been trying to practice that and I confess that in the beginning is tough, I was unsure I thought, you know, the person would be upset with me. 1000 laps, façava gave a not half hidden in the justifications and in the end, was talking about Yes.

It just screwed me, today I’ve been thinking a lot more before I say Yes in certain situations (work, home and blog) and when I say not with conviction and security.

I always say that a non and a fuck are liberators!

  • Take care of you, of your body and feel good.


Self confidence is closely linked to self-esteem, as one increases the other increases. When we feel good is 50% of the way to be more confident in all situations.

When I have a situation where I need to be confident as, job interview or meeting with customer, I always put a piece of favorite clothes. That I feel good and comfortable wearing, that will let me at ease with myself.

I’m learning to take care of my body helps me keep my energy and concentration and it’s really good for my self esteem and confidence. Keep some rituals like care creams, my time, my time to meditate and everything that gets better as I feel myself.

  • Smile.

self confidence-smile

I’ve always been a smiling person, I like to greet everyone with a smile and that got me out of trouble. Had a day they sent me to a customer where or if you speak English or Japanese, my English was terrible (today it is acceptable) and I had no other choice but to smile and to communicate. The smile helped me break the ice several times with the Japanese.

Exercise be more smiling, not the forced laughter, but a slight smile of sympathy. Smile at you in the mirror and then try smiling at someone, in General, people or return the smile or feel more comfortable with who’s smiled.

  • Has posture.

self confidence-posture

In particular in work situations, to have more self confidence I try to keep a good posture, to talk, sit and especially when walking. I confess that when sitting I bow have sought not to do exercises that.

Have a good posture cause the impression of self confidence, gradually people will feel you more self confidence and transmitting it yourself you will be.

It’s not just column erect posture and head up. Posture is whether in each environment, so know the ground rules of etiquette of each environment helps to have more self confidence.

  • Make small mental goals

self confidence-Rory Gilmore

One of my goals of self-confidence was talk to a Director of the company that I currently design, Dan, he’s an American from Philadelphia. I think the way he speak English very cool, sometimes too fast, but I was too afraid (or ashamed) to talk to him, neither good day I was, really.

Dan has the stereotype of Abílio Diniz (famous administrator in Brazil that I admire and, one day, I took an elevator with him at the headquarters of the BRF Foods, the company that he runs and I never threw a “good afternoon Mr. Diniz”), his way of walking already commands respect, it is very closed and keep it down. But, when you talk to the entire team in the weekly meetings he spends an incredible energy and motivation!

To overcome my fear I put as goal to try to talk to him, one day, for at least 5 minutes about random stuff and don’t work.

One day, I alone in the café the opportunity arose, he and his “Morning” fast and dry. I pulled the air and replied “Hello Dan, how are you?” his voice trembling and a smile on her face. We talked for more than 5 minutes about accents, regions of the United States and he even laughed my D/G accent.

I felt pretty fucking so and today have several small goals to test my self confidence. Trust me, if you challenge and continue to work your self confidence every day!

This Brave, Honest, Beautiful music says:

Don’t go wasting your precious time with all the nonsense in your mind.
Don’t knock it, no more!
You have a smile that worth fighting for. Yes, you have it all with her perfect porcelain.
There is no one to compare, you just have to remember that you’re wonderful, love!
You are killing it in every way, could be smiling every day.

You can dance like Beyonce, you can move like Shakira.
Because you are brave, Yes, your fearless and you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful, girl!

So sorry like Rihanna, go and pose as Madonna.
Because you are brave, you are honest!
And you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful, girl!

That’s the honest truth! I hope that this text will help you as much as it helped me write.

I already feel more confident just share it here and the Penguin of the ego agree:)

8-attitudes-to-have-more-self-confidence _ lis-life-2