My self confidence has always been fragile, but it took many years to understand and, especially for I admit it.
I’ve always been a person who is considered strong and secure, by others. Only by other …
Let me shake-out-easily, but inside I always gave a lot of importance to the opinion of others. My auto criticises is so strong that any criticism has always been as a confirmation of my disability. Neither compliment I never knew receive, always thought it was bad and any compliment would be nice of someone else and undeserving.
Until I get the hard point writing that’s 29 years learning to be me, not easy.
It took me years to figure out my problems with self confidence and begin to change.
I suffered a lot by increasing my internal billing based on the opinion of others and that destroyed what little confidence I had.
In 2008, a very dear friend of mine wrote me this here: [Tweet “”Meu jeito rude e meu olhar tão duro. É grade, é cerca, é teatro, é meu muro! Assim me protejo dos que anseiam minhas lágrimas e filtro os que merecem meu sorriso…” (Pierre Lacerda)”]
That translates to a lot of my personality and my self confidence was, for years, theater, was my wall.
But, the life friends, she kick doors, knocks down walls and we need to learn from it or live in suffering.
That’s how I learned a few things sober have more self confidence: with life and follow developing 8 attitudes to have more self confidence.
Before you start reading the 8 attitude, clicks the link on the side and press play: Brave, Honest, Beautiful (just listen).
- Focus on improving yourself, rather than comparing yourself with others.
I even today I think all the people of the world are better than I. I never thought I was great in anything, I never saw myself as good at anything. In fact, until recently, I defined as: “a normal person, with no special talents.”
But, do you know why all this? Because I looked to others as my reference and I compared. After that I started to focus in getting to know me, understand my weak points and seek to constantly improve this feeling of not being good enough has decreased.
Has references, people who look, but be you your quality standards overcome:)
- Learn how to accept and thank
When you receive a compliment you give an answer something like: “imagine are your eyes”, “this kind” or “Oh no it isn’t”? Or when someone compliments your outfit you say “Oh but it was so cheap, so old”
I did that, I didn’t know and neither accept compliments. For example the day I won a book from Solange, massage therapist of my job, I go there at once in massage ever and one day she gave me a book, just like me. Or when I was offered, for free, a course for the blog, without requesting review or anything in return.
I don’t understand why someone wanted to give me something for free? What do you mean you’re giving me a present and not expect anything in return? That thought was my unconscious to see that I don’t deserve, reinforcing my insecurity.
When I went to thank verbally, I smiled embarrassed by praise/gift, but I began to feel it was right for me. Gradually, I began to change my unconscious, today I try not to reinforce in me this feeling of not deserving. I accept, thank you and whenever I can retribuio.
Gradually, I began to change my unconscious, today I try not to reinforce in me this feeling of not deserving.
I accept, thank you and whenever I retribuio the praise.
They say that the secret of peace of spirit is to accept and thank you all!
- Don’t apologize.
I’m not talking about being rude, you see. It’s one thing to say “Sorry” for education by insecurity.
You know that feeling of never being right, of having to always apologize for having “a strong opinion”? I had a habit of apologizing for a word wrong in English or for asking something in a meeting.
But, today I work with Indians and they rarely apologize even when comment cultural gaffes. One day a boss told me: “don’t be sorry so much, there’s no need, just apologize when we hurt someone, when you screw up” and it was liberating.
Know that you don’t need to apologize pos their opinions, book your apologies for if you injure someone.
- Learn to say no.
The word needs to be said with all the letters, calmly and clearly. Say Yes when we mean deep down that’s not asking to fall into pitfalls and have problems. I see people who have self-confidence simply say no and not justified, are not around to say no in any situation.
I’ve been trying to practice that and I confess that in the beginning is tough, I was unsure I thought, you know, the person would be upset with me. 1000 laps, façava gave a not half hidden in the justifications and in the end, was talking about Yes.
It just screwed me, today I’ve been thinking a lot more before I say Yes in certain situations (work, home and blog) and when I say not with conviction and security.
I always say that a non and a fuck are liberators!
- Take care of you, of your body and feel good.
Self confidence is closely linked to self-esteem, as one increases the other increases. When we feel good is 50% of the way to be more confident in all situations.
When I have a situation where I need to be confident as, job interview or meeting with customer, I always put a piece of favorite clothes. That I feel good and comfortable wearing, that will let me at ease with myself.
I’m learning to take care of my body helps me keep my energy and concentration and it’s really good for my self esteem and confidence. Keep some rituals like care creams, my time, my time to meditate and everything that gets better as I feel myself.
I’ve always been a smiling person, I like to greet everyone with a smile and that got me out of trouble. Had a day they sent me to a customer where or if you speak English or Japanese, my English was terrible (today it is acceptable) and I had no other choice but to smile and to communicate. The smile helped me break the ice several times with the Japanese.
Exercise be more smiling, not the forced laughter, but a slight smile of sympathy. Smile at you in the mirror and then try smiling at someone, in General, people or return the smile or feel more comfortable with who’s smiled.
- Has posture.
In particular in work situations, to have more self confidence I try to keep a good posture, to talk, sit and especially when walking. I confess that when sitting I bow have sought not to do exercises that.
Have a good posture cause the impression of self confidence, gradually people will feel you more self confidence and transmitting it yourself you will be.
It’s not just column erect posture and head up. Posture is whether in each environment, so know the ground rules of etiquette of each environment helps to have more self confidence.
- Make small mental goals
One of my goals of self-confidence was talk to a Director of the company that I currently design, Dan, he’s an American from Philadelphia. I think the way he speak English very cool, sometimes too fast, but I was too afraid (or ashamed) to talk to him, neither good day I was, really.
Dan has the stereotype of Abílio Diniz (famous administrator in Brazil that I admire and, one day, I took an elevator with him at the headquarters of the BRF Foods, the company that he runs and I never threw a “good afternoon Mr. Diniz”), his way of walking already commands respect, it is very closed and keep it down. But, when you talk to the entire team in the weekly meetings he spends an incredible energy and motivation!
To overcome my fear I put as goal to try to talk to him, one day, for at least 5 minutes about random stuff and don’t work.
One day, I alone in the café the opportunity arose, he and his “Morning” fast and dry. I pulled the air and replied “Hello Dan, how are you?” his voice trembling and a smile on her face. We talked for more than 5 minutes about accents, regions of the United States and he even laughed my D/G accent.
I felt pretty fucking so and today have several small goals to test my self confidence. Trust me, if you challenge and continue to work your self confidence every day!
This Brave, Honest, Beautiful music says:
Don’t go wasting your precious time with all the nonsense in your mind.
Don’t knock it, no more!
You have a smile that worth fighting for. Yes, you have it all with her perfect porcelain.
There is no one to compare, you just have to remember that you’re wonderful, love!
You are killing it in every way, could be smiling every day.
You can dance like Beyonce, you can move like Shakira.
Because you are brave, Yes, your fearless and you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful, girl!
So sorry like Rihanna, go and pose as Madonna.
Because you are brave, you are honest!
And you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful, girl!
That’s the honest truth! I hope that this text will help you as much as it helped me write.
I already feel more confident just share it here and the Penguin of the ego agree:)